We need to rekindle our bromance
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
