I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
