So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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