So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
