I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i need some magic done to my vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
