god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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