It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
