For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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