My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
