Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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