I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
