OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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