you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize