I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
