i permit you to call me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
