You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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