Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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