is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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