apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
