There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
