You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
