Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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