Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
