Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
