I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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