if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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