You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your cock deserves a montage
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
