So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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