You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
