dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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