i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
