There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
