What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
