dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i love accidental penises.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
