I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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