To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
