dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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