This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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