the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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