Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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