dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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