Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
