see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize