shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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