I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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