If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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