If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
