Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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