i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
