So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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