I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
