Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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