Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
